Lives now

In real life, friends will never be there when you need them. They have their own lives to care about to actually bother about urs. Some pretend they care so much with mushy caring words. Its just to make themselves feel better like they actually done something.

If friends are true, then why do they not understand each other and get angry over petty stuff like who said what about who? Some dun even bother to confront or say whatever they are unhappy with and just vanished into thin air. Some wants you to agree with whatever they say so they will be happy, so what about you? You try to make everyone happy silently but nobody seems to see, nobody sees that you are not the type to talk with sweet mushy words, words that people loves to hear, nobody knows that everything u did is for them. Till one day, i decided to be selfish. To be like everyone else.

Not care. What friends? they are just people who used each other for companion, who one day is ur best friend and the next day wouldnt even reply you when u need someone to talk to.

Friends arent real. People arent real. They all live for themselves only.

I live for myself now. Lonely or not, i dont bother anymore. Friends are just temporary, like relationships, they just caused u more hurt and sadness.

The other path

Friends on one hand.. tends to always disappear. regardless of reasons, never really understood me, never really treasured me, never really thought of me as a friend. i happen to always be the bad guy i duno why.

My life now consists of my boy only. seriously i need someone to talk to now.. but i couldnt think of anyone. basically i have no one but myself.

when i go drinking, i liked the dark noisy atmosphere, i felt like i belonged there. everything is fake. drinking can make u forget and be happy, its kinda true.

im now being controlled. i can no longer go as i like. i can no longer have freedom.

If i have taken the other path, i would have freedom but financially unstable. would i still feel as empty?

Happy families are all in the movies. In real life there simply isnt happy families. maybe its jus how easily satisfied you are.

A father , A mother and A child.. seems like a perfect family. behind this, lies alot of unknown. unexpected stuff. who is right and who is wrong?

Do i really wana spend my life like this? what do i really want?

Family

i have everything yet nothing, sometimes i wonder how things will turn out if i take the other path.

Routine

Emptiness, loneliness

Empty!

On the outside, i'm carefree! on the inside, there's so much i cannot say.. Love i had for Little Tate is real. He is my everything. Having him changes me..

Changed my life.

Family?Friends? do i really have? Am i never satisfied?

Hot

Really hot!! I'm feeling hot everyday! hot and sweaty.. this is killing me.. i cant sleep at night.. i suffer from heartburn nowadays.. getting emo especially at night. What can i expect? I'm in no position to request for anything, do i? I changed everything. In my whole life have i ever made a right decision? This decision is my most daring decision and changes will occur for sure.. who can i blame anyway?

Blame myself.

Its my fault. But doesnt that mean i cant request for anything in this life already? maybe some things arent meant to be? Am i lucky or unfortunate? How do i see it? I'm lucky to have you in a way. Or am i really having you? Am i indebt to u forever?

What does the future lies? I need myself back! So much sacrifices, so much changes. Can i really be me again? Can i be a good Mom?

Hot or cold...

Everybody tells me pregnant women always feel hot..not for me leh.. I'm feeling cold mostly.. or maybe it just happens that recently it's suppose to be 'winter'?

My baby

I'm 13 weeks and counting! My tummy now is bulging n fat! I'm eating like 2 hrs once? Feeling really hungry everyday..